Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
