and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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