I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
