don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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