Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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