i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
