Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive