So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
