I wish my penis had an off switch
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
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It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??