Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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