Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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