I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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