btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
