some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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