I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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