he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
