do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
