she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
