she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
