I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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