She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
