somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
