omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
