my vag is so smooth its legendary
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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