at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
