U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
