do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
