addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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