my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my being single is dangerous.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
