Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
