my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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