i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
