I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
