I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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