she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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