he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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