So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
