Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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