Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
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