He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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