You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
