everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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