Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
