he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
