yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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