Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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