please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
