I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
