I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We're too hungover to prance.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
