When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
