I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
