You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
