Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
