is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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