still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
