enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
