haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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