Yo dont text me then not text me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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