one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
