She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You don't make any sense
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