I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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