I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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