omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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