he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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