Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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