So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
