I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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