my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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