I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
