I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I need to calm my uterus...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
