I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
