Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
