I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
