you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
